Sunday, November 16, 2008

Things I Didn't Know Until I Had Kids

(Some of these things I still don't know - but I could add a few)

How many seconds it takes to microwave 4 fish fingers perfectly.

Who John Jacob Jingle Heimershmitt is.

Which lines of The Cat in the Hat and If I Ran the Circus can be skipped over without a child noticing.

How bright a 3 a.m. full moon is.

The design marvels that is Velcro-strap shoes.

Locations of public toilets all across town.
Never to stick a finger into a childs nappy to see if its wet.

Why anyone would bother retracing their steps for miles just to retrieve a lost 'comfort' blanket.

That tigers live in the trees in our back garden and that you have to ritually look for monsters under the bed and in cupboards.

The amazing technicolor variety and 'Play-doh' consistancy of infant stool.

The fine art of vacuuming a floor without hosing up a Barbie shoe or pieces of Lego.

That solid white socks get lost in the dryer at a much slower rate than do the mates of patterned socks that coordinate to special outfits.

How little sleep a human body truly needs to function.

Almost every Disney lyric ever penned.

Just how high a baby boy can pee when you are changing his nappy.

How to spell amoxicillin, let alone say it.

That one can never own too many refrigerator magnets.

Scientific names of dinosaurs from A to Z.

That reverse psychology really works.

The recipe for a homemade version of 'Play-doh'.

That Duplo and Lego blocks procreate in the night.

The distinctive sounds of Rice Crispies crunching underfoot.

Why they call them Happy Meals.

How far you can dilute juice and still retain it's taste.

That man (or child anyway) really can live on peanut butter alone.

What time CBeebies starts.

That the more my kids learn, the less I seem to know.


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